Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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