9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
