dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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