I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My penis needs a shock collar
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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