Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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