This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
