this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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