i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Randomize
