i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
