took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
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It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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