i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
