i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
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And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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