I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
