Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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