U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
