you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
