does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
