Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
