Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
