I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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