Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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