In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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