What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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