I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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