what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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