if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
