My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize