As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
