I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
