Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
