dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Where is the hickey?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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