I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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