VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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