just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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