Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
