ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
