So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
