how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
