Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
