I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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