my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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