My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
