Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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