What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
