Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
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He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
the raccoons are back...
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