you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've blown a few things in my day
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
