I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
