so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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