I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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