connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
