I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Everclear isn't food dammit
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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