I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
