If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
