why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
