my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
