Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
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Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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