uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
