I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
