If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
