Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
