I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He? As in you personified your dick?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
